Today marks the fourth day in school for Sofia and I have to start my disappearing act today. Sounds easy rite? Certainly not!
We went to school as usual, Sofia still refuses to go into the sand pit, using all her abdominal muscles to pull her legs up whenever I try. Never mind, we went around the garden, had some fun with the bicycles, etc. Then it was indoor time. This was probably the best opportunity for me to disappear cos she would start exploring herself. So everyone went in after washing their sandy hands and feet. Sofia followed the crowd in and the teachers were ready.
I made a quick scramble for the gate and drove off. In my mind, I can imagine her wailing already. I felt so bad but there is no turning back. This is the first time I am leaving her all alone to face her fears and insecurities, how could I do that? But I know this is something every kid and parent got to go through, just got to face it someday.
I drove around the neighbourhood absent-mindedly, peering into some of the houses under construction to see if I can steal some ideas from them. Went to the market to get some parsley and spring onions, look at my watch for the hundredth time ... time seems to pass so slowly. I wanted to go home but what if she needs me, like within 5 mins cos she vomitted after crying? It was so tough to "kill" that one and half hour.
Finally I went back to school at 1120am to see my baby asleep in Auntie Tan's arms. My heart was broken, this is the first time Sofia has ever slept in a stranger's arms. She must have been so tired from crying that she asked for milk (for comfort) and fell asleep after drinking. I scoped up the sleeping girl, put her in the car seat and drove her home.
At the back of my mind, the principal's warning was running through my mind again,"Are you ready for this? If you are ready, you must harden your heart when she cries for you ..."
